are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize