I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
