im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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