Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You pole danced in your parka.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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