woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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