I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
