I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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