Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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