the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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