I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
