He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
