My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
organizing the empties. That sober.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
