Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
