So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize