sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
