My friends, they love my intelligence
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
