I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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