watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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