New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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