Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
