hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
im six kinds of drunk right now
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
