apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
