Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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