If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
