So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize