He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
