At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
