Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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