There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Randomize