his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
