i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
