you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
