So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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