i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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