Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
