Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
