Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
