Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
