i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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