I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize