My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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