there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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