Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
