He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she looked like the before picture.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
