Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
