It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize