Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
