We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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