im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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