I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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