come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
