I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
