shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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