I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize