I want you more than these girls want KFC
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
