That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
