Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
