He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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