I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
