Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
