I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
