Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
