when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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