no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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