Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
