What did we do last night that was yellow?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
