The maid of honor just puked.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
