Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
