My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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