you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
