3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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