he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
