Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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