i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
What a dumb baby whore.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
