Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
