He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
