idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
