I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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