apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
