he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
