remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
