Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
