I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize