So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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