All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
