Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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