Can i not drive my cunt home
I wish i was in the wii world.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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